Subway Gripes, Pt. 2

It’s been over due for awhile, but I thought I’d finally add the second installment of Subway Gripes. Unfortunately, however, I’ve seen enough people that don’t seem to get it that I think the world deserves a recap:

1) Take off the damn sunglasses.
2) Turn off the cellphone and order.
3) Say hello and don’t spurt an order at me before I ask for it. I’m not a robot waiting for you to get hungry. In fact, I may even be busy doing something else.
4) Pay attention. Don’t walk away while I’m asking what to do with your sandwich. If you get a shitty sandwich because you didn’t tell me what you wanted, it’s your fault.

Which brings me to the last one-

5) Know what you want. Don’t tell me “give me whatever” cause you’re either getting nothing or the worst combination of ingredients I can think of. This could be the Imitation Crab with jalepeno, pickles, barbeque sauce, and red wine vinaigrette. It’s your damn sandwich. I don’t care what’s on it.

My new annoyances may seem trivial to some, but I’m sure that you can deal with it.

1) Don’t throw the money down on the counter when I ring you up. I just made your lunch or dinner; you can hand me your twenty or your new credit card. Don’t make me scrounge for it; I’m not your butler. Also, if you have money to throw around, don’t show it physically. It only makes everyone like you less. The especially applies if you’re paying with change.

2) Wait until I’ve rung you up. If you’re in a rush to leave, you’re hampering the process by giving me the wrong amount of cash because you didn’t wait. Even if you’re right, learn to be patient. I’m going as fast as I can because I don’t want to deal with you either, so don’t worry about that. Thrusting money in my face is going to throw me off and you just look like a self-righteous prick with too much money.

3) Hurry up with telling me what you want. I can only go as fast as you can. Telling me one thing at a time slows down the whole process. If you’re worried about me being able to handle remembering, don’t worry. I can think two (or maybe even three! can you?) items in advance.

Finally, the main point of today:

4) Understand that you can have whatever you want, but you have to tell me what that is. Nothing comes pre-made or decided for you. Just because the ham is advertised with onions doesn’t mean you have to have them, and the same applies in reverse: if the roast beef in the picture doesn’t have mustard, you can still have it. There is no default; nothing is “the usual.” N.B.- this doesn’t mean adding eight pounds of bacon or cheese isn’t going to cost more. It certainly will*. But you can have it.

*Sub-Complaint. Prices are determined by meat and cheese. A vegetarian sandwich costs a lot less, so don’t ask us to compromise with more cheese. Feel free to have half a bag of lettuce, though.

And remember the golden rule, folks. I’m making this for you, so don’t be a bitch. I might fuck it up right quick because I don’t care what it tastes like. And I’m here no matter what. The longer it takes is only your problem.

Thanks for listening.

~ by Josh on January 21, 2008.